*SPOILER ALERT!* This post contains information that some readers may find yucky, icky or downright gross.
Todd is a man of many talents. He possesses a variety of useful skills that make life with him easy. Sadly, listening is not listed among these attributes.
Quite often when conversing with Todd, my questions or requests are greeted with silence. I can’t even count the number of times that I’ve had to repeat myself only to receive “I’m sorry, did you say something?” As a response. It has become common practice for me to pause mid sentence and inquire in exasperation, “Did you hear me?” Or “Are you listening?!” When confronted, Todd will grasp at the last few words he’s half-heard, and then take a stab in the dark, hoping for the best. “You were talking about how your Book Club likes making goats out of cheese.” He’ll say matter of factly after being busted ignoring a conversation featuring my Book Club, and a goat cheese appetizer. To my surprise there was more to Todd’s inattentiveness than I thought.
Last week Todd awoke with a terrible earache. It bothered him so much that he took an Advil. I was alarmed because Todd wouldn’t take an Advil for anything less than an axe wound or loss of limb, and even then, only half an AdviI. I urged him to go to the Walk-in but Todd was convinced it would pass. Three days later, Todd still had an earache, but the symptom had worsened. He could no longer hear out of that ear.
I finally managed to convince him to see a doctor. He came home after his appointment and informed me that the wax in his ear had built up so much that it had essentially formed a plug. He tossed me some drops that we’re going to soften the wax so the doctor could clean it out the next day using warm water and high pressure syringe. Ew.
The next day when Todd came home, he informed me that the walk-in doc had awarded him the gold medal for Most Wax Ever Extracted From A Human. I know. Gross. Todd then told me that having the one ear cleaned had made him realize that he was also quite deaf in the other ear. So I put the drops in, and figured Todd would go back to the doctor tomorrow for round two… Silly me, I forgot I had married MacGyver.
Now that Todd knew the basic principles of ear wax extraction, he went about trying to find a suitable substitute for a syringe. There he is in the bathroom filling up one of those baby snot sucking bulbs with warm water, and blasting it into his ear! His hobo ear cleanse totally worked! The amount of gunk that came to rest at the bottom of our sink was astounding! We’re talking a chunk the size of an almond, not to mention an array of waxy confetti! I know! Grosser! I honestly couldn’t believe THAT was his good ear!
Since then Todd has enjoyed the feeling of actually hearing things, such as birds singing, or even toilets flushing, and I have noticed a marked improvement in Todd’s listening skills. It turns out that all this time my words had literally been falling on deaf ears!
Yes Todd, I’ve always talked this loud…